Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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