So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
