evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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