After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
