i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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