i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
