i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
