Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
