i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
