she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
