I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
