Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
