whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize