hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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