i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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