i don't plan on having that self control this summer
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
