so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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