You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
