Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
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