took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
