it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
