the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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