after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
