...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
