i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.