she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?