thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.