My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage