dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal