can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??