Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
