so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
