textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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