Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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