I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
