At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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