I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
