I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
