The brown eye won't let me do that either.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
