I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
