You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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