Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.

Fav 11 3684 881
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.

Fav 22 750 3541
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(908): View more from New Jersey

we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours

Fav 11 4994 1125
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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.

Fav 5 4120 1042
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(770): View more from Georgia

his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....

Fav 32 1805 3595
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..

Fav 3 2978 1557
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.

Fav 6 841 2171
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.

(978): View more from Massachusetts

Who is our new insurance provider?

Fav 3 1058 509
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(704): View more from North Carolina

I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.

Fav 1 9 34
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