That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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