I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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