I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
