so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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