In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
