His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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