Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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