i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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