the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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