i think my tv is drunk
I will die if light touches me.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
