Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
