I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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