Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
