The maid of honor just puked.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
