a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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