So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
