i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
