I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
