Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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