Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
