i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
After tacos, we're chasing women.
How does it feel to date your dad?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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