he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
