I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
