i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
