Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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