hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
