what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
