She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
