Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
