I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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