He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
