I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
