My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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