I think I won the penis lottery.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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