**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
